Being unfamiliar with Aborted Fetus (the band, not the delicacy), my research showed me that they're playing "slam death metal." Now, I've never heard of that and it sounds nitpicky and ridiculous, so, like remakes of movies I love, I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist. Private Judgement Day is fast, brutal death metal without a lot of flourish. One gets a Mortician type vibe from the horror samples, but, unlike Mortician, they're kept very short and don't detract from the songs they begin. "Savage Dominance" starts the album off with a sample of screams before loosing a brutal stream of drums and heavy riffs. The low, chugging guitars work well with the guttural vocals and shift between fun riffs and solid grooves. The drums aren't buried in the mix and the toms sound great. They're fast and don't sound fake like most current metal. "Garden of Kidney Stones" showcases the drumming nicely. Straight blasts give way to machine gun pacing and breakdowns. They move along with the grooves and propel the listener through the guitar swamp. Above, I mentioned the guttural vocals. About 2/3 of the way through "Fuck In A Pesthole," they're added to by a screechy, feedback like howling. It adds a lot to the track, but sadly it's very brief.

As the saying goes, "You don't know what you got til it's gone." With the exception of the title track, this album lacks guitar solos. Maybe that's a "slam" thing, but since that's bullshit anyway, I can't see a reason to exclude them. The riffing is fine and the grooves are nice, but the jumping between the two without a payoff is kinda frustrating. And I say the riffing is fine because for every two good riffs, there is one very awkward one. However, I'm not a guitarist, so I'm probably just being douchey. Another issue is the bass. There's a nice little rip in "Guinea Pig," but other than that, they're hidden like a transsexual's cock at the prom. I know, I know, not every album can be a masterpiece, but I like hearing a ton of bass, goddamn it! Bass is like garlic and vodka, gimme the stank!

Minor gripes aside, Private Judgement Day is a quick and fun death metal album. It hearkens back to early 90's gory death in both sight and sound. The cover is enough to make one reminisce of the good old days, and the tunes are pretty close, too. So, listen loud and stomp for 25 minutes to the soothing sounds of Aborted Fetus.